


what's left for us

by icarriedamango



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Addiction, Angst, Biting, Blow Jobs, Choking, Depression, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, Girl Penis, Hand Jobs, Implied Alex/Kara, Masturbation, Mildly Dubious Consent, Porn with Feelings, Red Kryptonite Kara Danvers, Restraints, Self-Destruction, Self-Worth Issues, Smut, but the feelings are dark, let's pretend sex burns off red k, minor Bloodplay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:22:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 17,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23471635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icarriedamango/pseuds/icarriedamango
Summary: Kara's been infected with red kryptonite, and Maggie takes the heat so National City doesn't have to.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Maggie Sawyer
Comments: 187
Kudos: 491





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, I just wanted them to have sex and this is what happened. Let me know what you think.

"Alex was too good for you." Kara's fingers tighten around Maggie's throat. "You know that, right?"

They're in the bathroom at Al's. It's way past midnight and Maggie should have left hours ago. She should have done a lot of things hours ago. Like leave when Kara sat down at her table. Or call Alex when it was obvious something was very, very, wrong.

Maggie didn't know Kara when red kryptonite made her throw Cat Grant off a balcony. She'd still been new to National City and nursing the scars Gotham left behind. She'd watched the news with everyone else, wondering if the city could survive a Kryptonian that was as human as the rest of them, full of anger and lacking control.

Maggie understands anger. Her father taught her young. She’s learned the lesson so many times, now. From all kinds of people, but especially from the ones who claimed to love her. Their love was conditional, only true when she contorted herself into a mold of their creation. It’s just that she's never been very good at fitting for long. She always tries, though, until all the crooked angles draw blood. Supergirl doesn't bleed, but Maggie recognizes the phantom drops slipping from Kara's skin onto the dirty bathroom floor.

Kara wanted to leave hours ago, but the city is still recovering from the latest big bad and can't withstand the needy destruction in Kara's eyes. So Maggie did her job. She jumped on the detonating bomb. Offered herself up as a willing casualty of Kara's anger, knowing the only path was to let Kara burn the poison out of her system. To let Kara tell her how unworthy she was of Alex's love. How wasteful she was of such a precious gift.

Maggie knew this. Has always known it. She was prepared to quietly carry the weight of Kara's words if it meant keeping Kara in the bar instead of wreaking havoc on the city. But then she realized she wasn't just carrying Kara's words in silence; she was carrying them in solidarity. And the truth of it clawed its way out of her before she could stuff it down deep.

"Oh." That's all Maggie said, but that's all it took. Kara's eyes flashed red and real fear zipped through Maggie so quickly it left her breathless.

"Stand up."

Maggie was barely out of her seat before Kara’s fingers wrapped around her wrist and pulled her into the bathroom.

Now here she is, back against the bathroom door, Kara's fingers wrapped around her throat, and the weight of Kara's other hand keeping the door firmly closed.

"Did you know she was too good for you the first time she fucked you?" Kara's face is so close her breathe scorches Maggie's lips. "Did you?"

Maggie tries to swallow. Her throat is dry. Scraped clean by shallow pants that barely have enough room to go in and out. "Yes. But at least she fucked me."

Her words are a gunshot, dangerous and reckless, but Maggie is equipped for absorbing the pain and anger of others. It's better this way. For Kara. For Alex. For the city. If Maggie can be good enough, just this once, Kara's anger doesn't have to leave this room.

The fingers around her throat tighten a little more. She presses her lips against Maggie's ear. "You don't deserve to have tasted her. Or felt her inside of you." The shiver that courses through Maggie settles in the pit of her stomach. "I'm going to scratch the memory of her from your body."

Then Kara is kissing her. No softness. No sweetness. Just the brutality of her tongue pushed inside Maggie's mouth. Kara's fingers flex in rhythm with the movements and Maggie takes it as the punishment it's meant to be. Because it feels good. So good. And the shame is hot and sticky and pooling into her underwear. She moans and Kara consumes it. She battles Kara's tongue for leverage, then mercy, and Kara denies her.

Maggie doesn't know what to do with her hands. There’s no room to caress the smooth skin of Kara’s cheek or trail her fingers through soft blonde hair. There’s nothing between them but the force of Kara’s will, and Maggie is desperate for something to hold onto. And then she feels it. Hot and hard against her leg. Kara pushes her cock against Maggie's throbbing center and Maggie grabs Kara’s hips to pull her closer. To grind against her. To get some relief from the pressure building low in her belly. She groans and pulls her mouth away from Kara's lips, gasps for air like it's been lifetimes since her last breath. Kara pulls her cock away and Maggie nearly cries at the loss. She slaps Maggie’s hands against the bathroom door then releases Maggie’s throat only to use the newly freed hand to rip Maggie’s t-shirt open. It tears straight down the middle, as does her bra. 

When Kara puts her lips around Maggie's nipple and sucks, Maggie almost cums. Kara sucks like she's trying to draw Maggie's essence directly into her mouth. It's brutal. Painful. She sucks and licks and sucks and bites. Alternating her attention from one nipple to the other. Maggie's clit throbs in time with Kara's lips. "Oh, god... fuck." She's so fucking hot. And so fucking wet. The tension is too much. She thrusts her hips forward aching to be filled, searching for pressure as pleasure coils low and dangerous. Kara keeps her body just out of reach. Maggie thrusts anyway, against nothing at all, desperately rolling against the emptiness between them.

Kara takes as much of Maggie's breast into her mouth as possible and sucks as hard as Maggie's human body can stand. Maggie slams her head back against the door and explodes with a scream and a gush of wetness. The orgasm rushes through her, destroys her.

Suddenly, Kara turns her around. Maggie's jeans are torn off as easily as everything else. She's still cumming when Kara's cock slams into her without warning or care. She doesn't wait for Maggie to adjust to the fullness. She just takes what she wants, hot and throbbing, bottoming out with every thrust. "This is what you deserve," Kara whispers. "Not her." Maggie's inner walls clench, her body bangs against the door. She pushes her ass back, begging for more. Maggie has never been so loud. She's certain the entire bar can hear her screams. She doesn't care.

Kara is right. This is what she deserves. To be fucked in a dirty bathroom, wetness dripping down her thighs, shameful heat raging through her body. She was never good enough and now everyone will know it. She can finally stop pretending, stop hiding behind the camouflage of dimples and sweet smiles. She closes her eyes and takes everything Kara has to give.

Kara bites down hard on the back of her neck. Hard enough to draw blood. The pain shocks Maggie. Then Kara swipes the bitemark with her tongue and sucks. Sparks fire behind Maggie's eyes. Kara's thrusts become uneven. Her pace sloppy. She releases the back of Maggie's neck. "Mine," she groans.

Maggie's inner walls clench and spasm. Her body shakes as she cums. The pleasure burns every cell. Kara thrusts deep and hard and they're both suspended in a moment of stillness before Kara’s cock pulses. She empties herself into Maggie. Her hips jerk without rhythm as semen pours thick and hot, filling Maggie completely. Maggie pushes her ass back as far as possible, greedy for every drop. Their orgasms crescendo together, rolling through their bodies until Maggie collapses against the door, Kara's body holding her up.

Their breathing ricochets off the walls. Maggie doesn't know how long they stay like that, joined against the door, but she knows the moment the last of the red k leaves Kara's system.

Kara's body tenses. She pulls out of Maggie excruciatingly slowly and steps away. The loss of heat against Maggie's back is staggering.

"I'm so sorry." Tears and anguish squeeze Kara's words until they're nearly silent and a swift breeze against her bare skin lets Maggie know she's alone. She turns around slowly, her ripped t-shirt and the remnants of Kara's cum as it drips down her legs is all she wears.

The bathroom window is open. Kara's left her clothes folded on the sink for Maggie to wear. She should wipe herself off first, but she doesn’t. She gets dressed slowly. Kara’s clothes swallow her whole. She grabs her things from the floor and pulls her phone, wallet, and badge from the wreckage before tossing the rest into the trash.

Then she does what she should have done hours ago. She texts Alex.

_Check on your sister._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! There might be more to come. Feel free to give me various scenarios in which Kara and Maggie have sex and feelings.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments and kudos! I guess this is a multi-chapter fic now? 
> 
> **Chapter Inspiration** : Perhaps show how Kara tries to avoid both Maggie and Alex because she is so guilty of her actions. Then, Maggie is confused as why she enjoyed every minute with Kara but tries to deny her feelings. // prompt from Samantha1138

She wants to forget. It's been three days. She's flown around the earth seventy-eight times. She's run around it, even more, searching for the exhaustion that won't come. She's finally stopped, on her knees, tears streaming, fists pounding into the ice. Humans can't survive on this frozen island halfway to nowhere. There's no one to bear witness as the ice splinters beneath her hands, catches in the harsh winds. She pummels the ground until it's a crater. Maybe her tears will fill it. Maybe she can stay until they cover her, cleanse her, burn away the shame.

She wants to forget, but she can't — not the way Maggie felt wrapped around her, pulling her in. Not the way the back of Maggie's neck tasted between her teeth.

The Red K is long gone, she shouldn't still want... Kara thought she was a good person, but she was wrong. What kind of hero takes like that? Takes what was not hers to have? Destroys others because she can't... she can’t— 

"Supergirl, I need you." Alex's voice reaches across the earth to find her. She's been calling out to her for days. 

_Kara, are you okay?_

_Kara, what's wrong?_

_Kara, you can talk to me._

Kara has ignored them all. But now she hears that Alex is running, that Alex is in danger, so she goes, surprised the sins trailing in her wake don’t sink her to the earth's core. 

She lands in chaos. Alex on her back fighting an Alstairan, the leaves from its head reaching for Alex’s throat, J’onn getting pummeled, Nia doing her best to stay on her feet, downtown nearly destroyed. Kara just needed a moment. Just one moment for herself. But a small army of Alstairans has shown up to take more than she has to give. 

She doesn't know what happens. She just knows that three minutes later everyone she loves is safe and looking at her like they don't know her at all. 

"Kara... what... are you okay?" Alex approaches her with caution. Beautiful Alex who has dedicated her life to that question. Alex who deserves better than a sister who has done what Kara did. 

"I'm fine, Alex." She can't look at her. 

Alex gets closer. Kara wants to back away. 

"Hey," Alex whispers, fingers on Kara's chin. "Look at me."

Her throat constricts painfully, then the tears come, and Kara can't stop them. 

"Kara,” Alex pleads, “what's wrong?" The tears splash against her hand. 

" I'm...," Kara shakes her head. The words are stuck, or scared, and dying as they form. 

She takes off and leaves Alex standing there. 

She doesn't mean to land outside of Maggie's apartment. Or knock on her door. Or push her way inside once the door opens. But before all her disparate thoughts can come together, Maggie's throat is between both her hands. Maggie's mouth is accepting her tongue. Maggie's back is against the wall. 

Kara pulls away for the briefest of moments. Her lips skim Maggie’s, their gazes bore into one another. "Tell me to stop," she gasps. "Please. Tell me to stop." 

Maggie unbuttons Kara's pants. Unfastens Supergirl's suit. Frees Kara's already hard cock. Kara lets go of Maggie's throat and braces her hands against the wall. The bruises her fingers left days ago are faded but still visible. She licks them. As Maggie gathers the pre-cum drizzling from Kara's tip and spreads it over Kara's growing cock, Kara slides her tongue against the damage she left behind. Maggie moans at the first swipe. Kara bucks her hips forward at the sound. 

They stay like that, Maggie's hands working Kara's cock, Kara's mouth working Maggie's neck, Kara's cock pulsing and her hips rutting until she has to pull away. She picks Maggie up, lays her down on the floor, face down, ass up. Her sweatpants are easy to remove, but Kara only gets them to Maggie's knees before she pushing her cock into the heat that she's been trying to forget for days. Maggie is so wet. So ready. She takes all of Kara. And Kara gives her everything. She pounds into Maggie hard and rough, reaching for her front wall. Maggie pushes back. Raises her hips. 

Maggie is so beautiful like this. With her hair spilling around her shoulders and her moans filling the room. It's an errant thought Kara doesn’t want to hold onto, so she reaches for Maggie's swollen clit instead, captures the pulsing bud between her fingers. Maggie bucks at the new pressure. 

"Fuck, Kara." 

Kara loses it. She rams into Maggie over and over. They're making a mess. Maggie's wetness is everywhere. Her heat is everywhere. All-consuming. Kara wants to drown in it. Wishes it would just take her away. Where she doesn't have to deal with the consequences. With Alex and her soft eyes asking if she's okay. With Maggie and her willingness to hold Kara's shame at not being who everyone needs her to be. She sets a furious pace and the pressure builds. Maggie's arms collapse, unable to hold her up anymore. Kara grabs Maggie's waist and floats them just above the floor. She molds herself to Maggie's back. Maggie reaches behind her, grabs Kara's head, pushes Kara's lips to the back of her neck. 

Kara knows what Maggie wants. Knows she shouldn't have done it the first time and shouldn't do it again. Knows the potential consequences if she does. But she can't stop herself. She bites the back of Maggie's neck in the same spot, breaks skin and sucks hard. Maggie gushes onto her cock, wetness falling to the floor beneath them. Kara cums. Her seed spills into Maggie in a hot stream. The force of it is too great — Kara can't keep them in the air, so she lowers them to the floor as she empties herself into Maggie. Maggie rolls into another orgasm as Kara keeps going, keeps grinding against Maggie's ass until every last drop is spent. She licks her mark on Maggie's neck as the aftershocks spasm through their bodies. Kara starts to ease out but Maggie stops her, holds her in place. 

"Don't leave, yet. Please."

So Kara stays. She stays too long. Long enough to get hard again, to pump into Maggie softly and slowly, to know this has to be the last time her weakness gets the best of her. This time when she pulls out Maggie doesn't stop her. Maggie just stands up and pulls her pants up as Kara buttons her own. 

There's nothing to say. Nothing that can make it better. Make them better. It's easier to keep the destruction silent. 

Kara leaves without a word. And Maggie lets her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! I have no idea what's going to happen next, so drop all the suggestions your heart desires, and I'll probably write it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments and kudos! Each one is deeply appreciated.

Maggie's been sitting in the dark ever since Kara left. She just sank back to the floor and watched night descend through her window. She doesn't really do tears anymore. That doesn't mean she doesn't want to. A good cry might be exactly what she needs. Then she can get up and get on with her life.

The tears don't come, though, so she just sits, body sore in a way she used to enjoy. Well, at least something similar. She's never had her body used quite like this before.

Kate was always so gentle. To a fault. No matter how much Maggie asked her not to be. She never really understood that Maggie didn't deserve gentleness. Then again, Maggie has always been very good at pretending that she does.

She should really get up. Take a shower. See if the bruises on her neck are faint enough to be covered with makeup.

Alex has been texting her for days. Asking about Kara. Trying to figure out what Maggie knows. Trying to understand why Maggie won't respond. The fact that she hasn't shown up at her door yet is a miracle. And Maggie is grateful because she wouldn't know what to say.

_I let your sister fuck me to save the city._

_I let her fuck me again because—_

Maggie hasn't been to work in three days. She never takes time off. Not for holidays or birthdays. Once for a Barenaked Ladies concert, but... She should call her Lieutenant. Tell her she'll be in tomorrow. One of her CIs gave her a tip on who might be behind a new alien drug on the market. Xi-Dust. Three kids at National City U have overdosed from it in the last two months alone. As soon as she gets up, she'll do that.

The back of her neck twinges. It started a few hours after Kara left and it's been off and on since then, at irregular intervals. The first time, she put her fingers to it trying to soothe the ache, and the twinge surged right to her clit. Like if Kara's fingers were still there. Maggie pulled her fingers away quickly, her hand, shaking.

She lasted a few minutes before her fingers found their way back to the bite mark. She rubbed it tentatively, afraid of what would happen. She rubbed it slowly, until her clit throbbed, until her hips thrusted, until she came, right there on her living room floor.

Maggie hasn't touched her neck again since. She doesn't know what it means and there are only two people she can ask. When she takes a shower she'll scrub the area clean, bandage it up. Forget about it as it heals.

Kara didn't say anything before she left. Maggie didn't want her to. What was there to say?

_Sorry, I let you fuck me._

_Sorry, I enjoyed it so much._

_Sorry, I'm not worth—_

Maggie was so filthy when she got home that night. Kara had dried on her skin. She rubbed herself raw in the shower like it would help. Like the sin wasn't embedded inside of her. 

It was the right thing to do. To spare the city, it was the right thing to do. Maggie just has a way of doing the right thing wrong sometimes. She should have texted Alex immediately. Told her Kara needed her. Like Kara always needed her. Like Alex always wanted to be needed.

But she didn't. Because...

Because...

The dishwasher has been broken for weeks. Maggie should really put in a maintenance request. There's a pool of water sitting inside of it, which is especially weird since Maggie never uses it. Her dad didn't believe in them. Said that's what he has kids for. Said that's how laziness starts, by not doing the easy things. She'll do that after her shower. There are probably a few other things around the apartment she should take care of while she's at it.

Her neck twinges again. She stops her fingers halfway there. She can't. She shouldn't. She does anyway. The touch to Kara's mark is an instant jolt to her clit. The pleasure starts so small this time. So inconspicuous. Like every drop of wetness isn't a journey to damnation. Maggie rubs the mark and the tension builds in stages. Like the points between _we should kiss the girls that we want to kiss_ and _I’ve never seen myself being a mom_. Like the steps between _oh_ and the first spurts of Kara's cum. Like the tightrope between what she wants and what she deserves.

Her underwear is soaked again. Maybe they never dried. Maggie rubs Kara's mark, and grinds against the floor, chasing release of... of—

The orgasm racks her body, quakes through her until she's lying down, curled up and shaking. She's fucked everything up. Everything. A relationship that should have stayed in her past. A relationship that shouldn't be in her present. All because she wanted to. All because Alex broke her and she hasn't pieced herself back together yet. All because pain is better when it's shared, when it's camouflaged under righteousness.

She didn't know what she was doing. Not really. Didn't know it would feel so good. To be shoved against a bathroom door and be treated so honestly, like she was disposable.

Maggie didn't know Kara would come back. She didn't know she'd want her to so badly.

The first sob catches Maggie by surprise, gets caught painfully in her throat. It's been so long since she's cried, her entire body constricts to try to keep it in. But it's too much to hold onto. The sob crashes out of her. Then another, and another. They come until her throat is raw. Until the sun comes up and shines on whoever she is now. Until she makes it to the shower and lets the water wash the tears away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really interested to know your thoughts on this chapter.
> 
> I have only the vaguest of plans starting to form for this story. It seems to be working so I'm going to keep it that way, and we'll see what happens. As always, suggestions are welcome. Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who's going on this journey, commented, left a suggestion, and hit that kudos button! 
> 
> I'll be placing chapter inspirations at the end from now on to avoid spoilers.

Alex has stopped asking if Kara is okay. Mostly because Kara has gotten really good at pretending that she is. Like now, at J'onn's birthday dinner, or at least what Kara and Alex have decided is his birthday because Kara likes having as many reasons to eat cake as possible. She's eaten three slices already, just to keep up appearances, even though her appetite has been intermittent at best, lately. 

They’re at Alex’s apartment for a change, and everyone is having fun. Nia, Brainy, Kelly... Kara likes Kelly. She's kind, easy to be around, and knows how special Alex is. 

She's not like Maggie, who was a seismic shift in their lives. Kara thought Alex just didn't like women, which was a truth she happily swallowed until Maggie turned it to ash right in her throat. 

Alex liked women. Alex just didn't like Kara. Not like that. Not how Kara wanted to be liked. Kara hadn't known it was wrong to want that until it was too late. Hadn't known that on earth, sisters didn't have to share blood or that one kiss would ruin the rest of her life. 

She hadn't been on earth for long, but she'd known that Alex was pretty, Alex was hers, and it felt good when Alex hugged her and held her hand. It felt different than when anyone else did it. She didn't know what to do with that knowledge until she saw Daisy Dirkum and Brian Richards kissing in the hallway at school. It wasn't that kissing didn't exist on Krypton, it's just that it was almost never done in front of others, especially by those born into the great houses. 

So Kara did what she always did when she didn't understand something. She asked Alex to explain it. Then she asked Alex to show her. Kara's first kiss was soft, sweet, innocent — and Alex took a piece of Kara with her when she pulled away. Which was fine because Kara didn't want it back. Alex was just as devoted to her, as she was to Alex. That's what mattered even though Alex would never kiss her again. 

For a long time, Alex didn't really kiss anyone. Then Maggie happened. Maggie with her soft hair and huge dimples, sweet smile and willingness to run headlong into danger. Maggie who made Alex cry, then made Alex beg, and in the end, refused to be what Alex needed. 

It made Kara angry. So angry. But Kara doesn’t get to be that, so she buries it, always. People get hurt when she doesn't. 

"Hey," Alex sits next to her on the couch. "You're kind of quiet over here."

Kara smiles because those have been getting easier to fake too. "Just thinking."

"About?" 

"What's the most embarrassing thing I can organize for your birthday."

Alex laughs. "You'll have to find me, first. Kelly has been making super-secret plans to whisk me away somewhere special. She's really bad at spy stuff, though, so I'm just pretending I don't know."

"That's nice."

Alex looks at her strangely. Unlike Kelly, she's very good at spy stuff. "Is it?" 

"Yeah, of course!" Kara pushes her glasses up on her nose. “And it's cute that you think I wouldn't be able to find you."

Alex laughs and tells her about Kelly’s plans, but Kara stops listening halfway through. There's a sudden pull in her gut, one that's begging her to place her attention elsewhere. 

_This is 642, I need a 10-18 to Arliss and 4th. I'm inside. Multiple hostages._

"I have to go."

Kara flies out of the party without another word and lands in front of an abandoned warehouse as police set up a perimeter and SWAT arrives. 

"We've got this under control, Supergirl." A cop, who is obviously in charge, walks up to Kara. 

"What's going on?" 

"Like I said, we've got it under control."

"You can tell me, or I can find out for myself."

The cop is resistant, but Kara is unmovable. 

"One of my detectives was following up on a lead about a new alien drug being manufactured here. Turns out she was right."

Kara doesn't have to ask if it's Maggie. She knows it is. "Why are you all out here and she's still inside?" Her anger is building. Ever since the Red K, even though it's been out of her system for two weeks now, it's been so quick to rise and so difficult to control. She knows what will calm it, but that's not an option. 

"Drugs weren't enough for these assholes." The cop mimics Kara's stance, hands on hips. "They wanted to add human trafficking too. They've been forcing alien teens to make the drugs, the ones who don’t have anybody to look after them. We can't just run in there without a plan. So that's what we're doing. Making a plan. We don't need you for that." She walks away before Kara can respond. 

Kara has a complicated relationship with NCPD. One she hadn’t even known was complicated until Maggie brought it to her attention years ago. Before then, she hadn't really thought of what happens after she saves the day, or what the people without superpowers are left to clean up in her wake. She's tried to be more mindful since then, but it's never been quite enough. 

Kara takes off and flies above the building, circling it a few times. There are thirty-two people inside, one of whom is Maggie. Because Maggie is reckless. Because Maggie walked into an unknown building, with an unidentified number of threats, and no way to know if she was equipped to handle them. It's who Maggie is. Kara understands that. And Maggie would hate Kara swooping in to save the day. That's not who they are to each other and Kara understands that too, respects it even because she’s respected so little else. 

Restraint isn't easy, though. Kara flies around and around, just above the building, as the police take their time figuring out what to do. Her anger rises. It burns her fingertips, and her eyes, searching for a place to land. 

When the police finally make their move, Kara is at a boiling point. When the hostages are free and Maggie walks out of the building like none of it was that big of a deal in the first place, Kara is furious. She drops down like thunder in the middle of Maggie's conversation with the cop who told her she wasn't needed. 

"Are you hurt?" 

Maggie's shock at Kara's sudden appearance would be visible from miles away. "Are you hurt?" Kara repeats. 

"I'm fine, Supergirl." Maggie immediately turns back to her conversation.

It's so dismissive, it’s the final crack in Kara's control. She grabs Maggie and flies off. Maggie is silent the entire way to Kara's apartment like she knew this was coming. She stands there, in the middle of Kara's living room, like she expected nothing better. 

"You can't just do that!" Kara explodes. 

"You don't get to tell me that,” Maggie says hotly. “Whatever this is, it's done, okay? It's fucked up and it's over." 

"It's over?" Kara advances. 

Maggie stands her ground, defiant in the face of Kara's anger. 

Kara grabs the back of Maggie's neck. She feels the bandage covering her mark, rips it off, and covers the mark with her palm. Maggie's breath leaves her. "How many times have you touched my mark since I left you?"

Maggie refuses to answer, but shame crawls across her cheeks. "You don't have to tell me. I already know." Kara steps even closer, their bodies now flush. "Every time you rubbed this mark until you came, I knew. I could feel you." 

Maggie gasps and Kara wants to kiss her, but she doesn’t. She can't. Everything about this is wrong and all her fault, but mistakes are all she seems capable of making with Maggie. She desperately tries to course correct. “If you keep rubbing it, it won't go away," Kara whispers. "You have to stop."

"I have to stop?" Maggie is angry now. “You did this to me! Why don't you stop? Let go of me.”

The challenge freezes Kara. 

"I know you heard me, Supergirl. You're the hero, right? You're supposed to do the right thing. We both know that's not me."

Kara has been doing the right thing her entire life. It's gotten her the ghosts of a dead planet and the lives of an adopted one hanging from her shoulders; it's gotten her aching loneliness that doesn't leave and a love she wants that she can’t have. Kara’s let go of so much already. For once she just wants to hold on. 

She leans forward and crashes her lips into Maggie's and pours herself into the kiss. The anger, the heartache, the expectations, the loss. From the start, kissing Maggie has felt differently from kissing anyone else. Like no matter how much Kara gives, Maggie's mouth is hungry for her rage. She kisses Maggie hard and deep as she rubs her mark on the back of Maggie's neck. Maggie's moans are constant. Kara takes them all. When Maggie cums, Kara takes the scream too and settles it in the pit of her stomach. 

This is a mistake that will wreck them both in the end. She knows that. It just feels too good to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter Inspirations** : 
> 
> 1\. Can Kara feel when Maggie’s doing that? Like is it an open connection? Or is the note mark like a Kryptonian sexual claiming mark? // prompt from DetDanv.   
> 2\. Kara sees Maggie getting herself off by touching the bite mark. She helps finish Maggie off. // prompt from Jungle Fever
> 
> \--
> 
> The next chapter is more than halfway done, but it might be a couple of days until I'm able to post it. As always, suggestions are welcome. Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who is reading this story, and for the comments and kudos! Comments, especially, inspire my writing. Writing during the week is going to be more difficult than I anticipated, so I won't be posting at the rate I initially started. My goal is to post 2x a week — let's see how that goes. 
> 
> Also! I know exactly how this story ends. Now we just have to get there.

It's not a surprise that Maggie failed or that's she's been failing every day for weeks now. After she picked herself up from the living room floor, made it to the shower and cleaned herself off, decided that Kara Danvers was a journey she couldn't survive and went to work, she got home, locked the door behind her, and rubbed Kara's mark.

That she'd made it over the threshold of her apartment was its own miracle. While she was at work, the twinge had grown and grown and grown. It had taken everything in her not to go into the bathroom or a supply closet or park her police car in a secluded alley just to relieve the pressure.

When she finally got home, after putting in extra hours for the days she missed, she just didn't have any resolve left in her. So she gave in. She gave in to the struggle of resisting all day, the relief of finally cumming, and the tears that followed. Every day she told herself she wouldn't, every day she did anyway.

She couldn't live like this. A week in, she'd researched every Kryptonian ritual the internet had to offer. There had to be an explanation, a cure she could figure out for herself. But the Kryptonians were an advanced society with arranged marriages, and babies grown in pods; there was nothing to be found about something as primitive as a bite mark that wouldn't go away and demanded attention until it made you orgasm.

By the second week, Maggie had a game plan. How many steps could she make it into her apartment before she touched it? She’d have to be dedicated to weaning herself off, by taking a few more steps every day until the steps could turn into minutes, the minutes into hours, and the hours into the entire night until she was back at work again with enough distractions. 

It was working. Little by little, it was working. 

Then the hostage situation at the warehouse happened, and Supergirl dropped down in the middle of Maggie’s debrief, vibrating with anger. Maggie couldn’t ignore her like she’d been ignoring the twinge all day, but she tried. 

_I’m fine, Supergirl._

It was a miscalculation, a challenge to a superhero when she was only meant to be challenging herself.

It’s a month later and the ways those three words backfired are all over her body. It turns out Kara likes to leave all kinds of marks everywhere, and Maggie likes to let her. Kara finds her at all times of the day and night and takes what she wants when she wants it. It feels good to be used this way, to be good enough at this one thing that isn’t powered by a badge. Maggie is so accustomed to coming up short, this new normal is a shade of happiness. 

It feels good when Supergirl flies into her apartment window and takes her from behind in the kitchen while dinner is cooking. She doesn’t stay, of course, because that’s not what this is about. 

It’s about right now. With Maggie still at the precinct at three a.m and Kara walking up to her desk, hands still covered in the soot from the massive chemical explosion at Jaxxon Technologies. It’s the end of a night that started three days ago. Supergirl managed to save a lot of people, but they’d only pulled the last body of those who couldn’t be saved out of the wreckage a few hours ago. 

Maggie stands up and walks a maze of hallways until she finds the door she was looking for, an out of the way storage space for cold-cases they’d stopped trying to solve. Kara falls back against a floor to ceiling shelving unit filled with dust-covered failures. 

Over the past month, their meetings have slid into easily packaged categories: release, combustion, absolution. Each requires a different approach, and when Kara gazes at her, with hopelessness shadowing her eyes, Maggie sinks to her knees. She pushes Kara’s pants and underwear to the floor and takes Kara’s cock into the warmth of her mouth. 

Kara isn’t even hard, yet, which is unusual for them, so Maggie takes her time, places her lips around the tip and flicks it with her tongue. Gently, her lips move up and down, and up and down, until Kara grows. Maggie slides one hand around the base of Kara’s cock, moving it in tandem with her mouth. Small drops of Kara’s cum fall onto her tongue, its flavor delicate like the whisper of saltiness forged with nothing but wind, sea, and sun. Maggie wants it all. She takes more of Kara, moves faster. Kara’s length pulses hot and heavy, her hand cups the back of Maggie’s head, not pushing, just holding on as her hips thrust forward. 

Maggie grabs Kara’s hip, searching for balance. Every moan that escapes Kara’s lips ruins Maggie a little bit more. Her clit begs for attention, but Maggie ignores it. She looks up at Kara and their eyes lock as she cradles the length of Kara’s cock with her tongue, stretching until the tip reaches the back of her throat. The pulses turn to throbs, the thrusts turn uneven. Kara bites down on her hand muffling her shout and her sob as a long throb pumps hot and thick cum down the back of Maggie’s throat. Maggie swallows it all. Until Kara is spent, and her hips still, and her tears only trickle. 

Maggie pulls away gently and puts Kara back together. Once her belt is buckled and her shirt is tucked in, Maggie stands up. Kara’s eyes are closed. Her head against the wall.

"Those people should be alive,” Kara whispers. “I should have saved them.” She breathes heavily. 

Maggie doesn’t respond. There’s nothing to say. Words have never been what this is about, but leaving still feels wrong like she hasn’t done enough. So she steps close, close enough to feel the heat always radiating from Kara’s body, close enough to wipe the tears from Kara’s cheeks until her own fingertips are soaked with them. 

Finally, slowly, Kara’s breath trips, then quiets, and Maggie leaves her in the silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! As always, suggestions welcome.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments and kudos! The comments, especially, pushed me to post this chapter, which I've been letting sit in an almost finished state for a month because I didn't know what the next chapter was until today.

After everything they’d done, Kara had no idea there were still lines left to be crossed. She definitely hadn't known tears being wiped away by a gentle touch was one them. It had felt great to be cared for in that way, but it hadn't felt good.

Gentleness wasn't the burden either of them signed up for, and no matter how Kara tried to breathe through it, fly through it, or fight through it, queasiness still rumbled in the pit of her stomach.

So she's been avoiding Maggie. Just a little. She figured they could both use some space. Her brain doesn't understand what space means, though, because she thinks about Maggie a lot. Too much. 

She's never been in a situation like this before. Her thoughts don't know what to do. Instead of, _I wonder what Maggie's doing_ , it's _I wonder if Maggie would like it if…_

Sex before Maggie had been careful and sweet. With people who were gentle because they thought anyone so full of hope would be too easy to break. It wasn't their fault; that's the camouflage Kara Danvers was created to be.

It's different with Maggie. She understands Kara Zor-El is just a jumble of already cracked pieces and gentleness isn't required. Well, she did understand that until Supergirl wasn't fast enough to save twenty-seven people, skilled enough to freeze breathe enough of the raging fire without freezing the scattered people inside, nor strong enough to hold up one part of the sprawling structure without the rest of it collapsing.

She’d just... failed.

Then she let Kara Danvers walk into the police station. 

Now her whole body feels confused. She thought a few days would settle her pieces back into order, but everything is still all jumbled.

She has a plan, though. One that will get everything back on track. She's followed Maggie's heartbeat to the southwest side of National City and a neighborhood that looks the right amount of halfway forgotten. Industrial and artsy, but a long way from trendy.

She lands in an empty alley just around the corner and switches out of her suit. It's not until she rounds the corner that she realizes Maggie isn't alone.

"Oh... I... I'm sorry."

The woman with Maggie stares at Kara, then at Maggie, then back again. The queasiness bubbles into Kara’s throat. She hadn't expected Maggie to be on a--

"Kara, hey." That's all Maggie says. And Kara takes the hint.

"I'll just," Kara points her thumb back in the direction she came from while taking a few steps backward. "Okay. Um, bye."

"Maggie. You're not going to introduce me to your friend?"

"We're not--" Maggie stops, but Kara doesn't blame her. Because they're not. But then she just takes a deep breath and says, "Kara, this is my aunt, Daniella."

Then Daniella smiles and dimples as big as Maggie's make their appearance. Kara feels completely ridiculous for not seeing the resemblance until that moment.

"A friend! Wow. I never meet Maggie's friends." The glee in her voice worries Kara a lot. "You're joining us for dinner. I'm a block away." Daniella starts walking, leaving them to follow, and Kara finally notices both women are carrying several grocery bags.

Kara gazes at Maggie, who is definitely not smiling but seems resigned, so Kara grabs a few of her bags, then jogs up to Daniella and grabs most of hers.

"So, how do you know my niece?"

"Oh, um. Well, I..." Kara has no idea what to say.

Then Daniella smiles at her again. It's warm and patient and Kara realizes a few things at once. She hasn't seen Maggie smile since they've crashed back into each other's lives. Maybe that's not a good thing, but it's certainly a fortunate thing because if Maggie smiled at her like this, Kara just... well, she might just-- "She was engaged to my sister,” Kara says.

Daniella's eyebrows rise as she looks back at Maggie then to Kara. "We're here."

Daniella's apartment is a second-floor walk-up, bright, cozy, and filled with gorgeous photography from around the world.

"Are you a photographer?" Kara asks, following the other women into the kitchen.

"Just as a hobby." Daniella unpacks the groceries, handing items to Maggie in a practiced dance.

"These pictures are amazing." Kara walks up to one, red sand dunes against a bright blue sky, a solitary desert tree, reaching for the sun. "So, you travel a lot?"

“I do. I’m a program officer with UNHCR.

"What is that?”

"I help refugees find safe places to land.”

Kara looks over to Maggie who shrugs like this doesn’t mean anything. To be fair, Kara doesn’t know what it means, but she thinks it means more than a shrug. Maybe. Kara is just very confused about a lot of things lately. 

"I just got back after a couple of years in Namibia. I didn’t get to meet the actual fiancé, but I get to meet you, so that’s interesting! What about lasagna?" Daniella says, arms spread on the counter like a general reading a battle plan.

Kara knows she should be alarmed by the middle part of that statement, but she loves lasagna! It has all the best things in it and it’s been a while since she’s had any. 

"Nope," Maggie says, still putting away groceries. "Not unless you're going to make an entire pan just for Kara. She eats a lot."

Kara is indignant. "I do n--" Maggie's raised eyebrow slows her, "...not," she finishes lamely.

"Kara. I once saw you eat half your body weight in potstickers."

"Those were extenuating circumstances! Trying times!"

"Yeah, called a Tuesday."

Kara's jaw flops open, but nothing comes out because Maggie is right. That doesn't mean Maggie’s aunt needs this information when lasagna is on the line, though. "I have a very fast metabolism," Kara explains to Daniella. "You know this," she says to Maggie.

"I do," Maggie agrees.

"And!" Kara continues, raising one finger in the air to make her point. "I used to finish your wings on game nights because you always put too many on your plate, but felt bad about throwing them away. That's basically a public service. You're welcome."

Then Maggie laughs, just a little, and Kara smiles. It’s the tiniest sound, barely an exhalation of breath, but it's a really great laugh. Kara doesn't know if she really knew that before.

Then Maggie stops laughing, and Kara stops smiling because that's not who they are and they both definitely know it's not who they should be.

"Okay,” Daniella interrupts. Kara’s never heard an _okay_ that sounded so scary before. "I love to cook, Kara, so I'll make you your own pan of lasagna, and while I'm doing that, you two can tell me how you reconnected after your sister broke Maggie’s heart.”

Kara chokes. Which is ridiculous. Maggie fumbles the carton of eggs she was putting away but manages to catch them before they hit the floor.

Daniella looks back and forth between them and bursts into laughter. "Just kidding," she says, wiping tears from her eyes. "For now. Kara, pour us all some wine, please."

So Kara pours them all some wine.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, kudos-ing, and commenting. It keeps me coming back.

The door clicks behind Kara as she leaves. Maggie pours the last sips of their second bottle of wine into her and Daniella's glasses. She has a feeling she's going to need it.

"I like her," Daniella says, grabbing her glass and turning towards Maggie on the couch.

"She's a likable person," Maggie says. She sips her wine and stares forward.

"It's a little unusual. Being such good friends with your ex's sister."

Maggie doesn't take the bait. She's a cop. A very good one. She knows not to offer up information unasked.

"How did you two manage to stay friends? With everything?"

Everything being Daniella making an emergency trip home when Maggie called her in tears because she and Alex had the most polite and mature breakup Maggie had ever experienced, but it was still the same story: Maggie tries with everything she has, Maggie gets it wrong, Maggie gets told to leave. Daniella found her in pieces and glued her back together like always.

"We didn't. I mean, we're not friends. Kara just needed a favor and I helped her out."

"Does Alex know?"

"No."

"Is there something to know?"

She wants to say there's nothing, but that would be a lie, and Maggie doesn't lie to her aunt. Daniella has saved her in too many ways to ever hear anything but the truth from her. "Yes."

"Your heart is so soft, Maggie."

"Says the humanitarian,” Maggie says, finally looking at Daniella.

"Just be careful with it, okay?"

Maggie's throat closes on her and she looks forward again. “I’m trying,” she squeezes out. "She just... she needs me."

Daniella stands up and places a soft kiss on her niece’s forehead. "And she's lucky to have you. But don't get lost again, okay?"

Maggie can only nod.

"I'm heading to bed. Meet for breakfast in the morning?"

"Sure." It's just a whisper. But it's all she's got and Daniella understands. She always has. From the moment Maggie was dropped at her door and she changed her entire life to parent a heartbroken teenager, Daniella has always known the right thing to say and the right time to say it.

Daniella heads to her bedroom and Maggie cleans up a little before leaving. Its nearing midnight and she can't believe she spent that much time with Kara and her aunt in the same room. Daniella hadn't been exaggerating about meeting Maggie's friends. Maggie's never really had any, not since she was 14, and she’s never introduced any girlfriends since then either. Daniella wouldn't mind, obviously. Maggie knows it's her own hangups, and that she would have introduced Alex eventually, but well, here they all are.

When Maggie exits onto the street the last thing she expects to see is Kara waiting there, hands in her pockets, looking uncertain.

"Sorry," she says. "Yes, I've been waiting here the whole time, but not in a creepy way. Promise."

"What would be the non-creepy way?" Maggie walks fully onto the street. It's just them this late at night.

"I don't know?" Kara says sheepishly. "Sorry - I just... Can we walk?"

Maggie doesn't want to walk. Because walking probably means talking and she doesn't want that. Not really. Whatever the words are, she's not ready for them. "Sure," she says anyway.

They start walking and it's three blocks before Kara says anything. "I really like your aunt."

Maggie stays silent.

"I'm sorry I've been avoiding you."

"You don't owe me anything, Kara. We both know what this is."

Kara nods a few times but says nothing. They keep walking.

"Is that why you tracked me down earlier? To apologize?" Maggie asks.

"Yes. No. Yes, but not like this?"

"Like what then?"

"I was going to..." Kara huffs like the words won't come out on their own. "I'm sorry about the other night. About how I came to the station."

They keep walking. Past a used bookstore that might look cozy in the daytime but looks a little haunted at night, a bar that looks like it’s seen better days, and a single food truck that should probably call it a night.

Eventually, Maggie says, “You don't have to be. It's what we do."

"Yeah," Kara agrees. Another block goes by. "So... you feel good after I leave?"

She's been trying to be easy about this conversation, but the anger comes to her so fast, it stops her in her tracks. "Why do you care?" It's too loud. There’s a couple walking across the street that throws them a look.

"Because! You're a person Maggie!"

"Kara, I was a person that first night at Al's, and I was a person a few nights ago at the police station, and I've been a person every single time in between."

"Do you know what I was going to do tonight? When I found you? I was going to drag you into the alley and push you up against the wall and fuck you. But your aunt was there... You're somebody's family, Maggie. There's a whole human who has kid pictures of you on the wall and cooks you dinners and loves you and I was just going to--"

Maggie doesn't let her finish. She pulls Kara into the nearest alley. She rips the bandage off of Kara's bitemark and pulls her hair over her shoulder leaving the back of her neck exposed.

She braces one hand against the wall and uses the other to pull Kara in until she's flush against her back.

"Maggie--"

"You don't get to be sorry."

For long minutes all Maggie hears is their alternating breaths. All she feels is Kara's ragged exhales against her neck. And then Kara pushes closer. And Maggie can feel her, hard and scorching against her ass, even through the fabric of their clothes.

Kara unbuttons and unzips Maggie's jeans, slides her fingers into Maggie's underwear. Maggie doesn't even know when she got wet, but she is, and the first touch of Kara's fingers force her forehead to the wall. The times in between Kara's touch haven't been so bad now that she's stopped feeling guilty about rubbing the mark. But it doesn’t compare to Kara’s touch. There's not much room, but Kara hits the right speed and pressure instantly as Maggie rocks into her hand.

This is what they are and it works. Kara grinding into her ass. Kara sliding into her. Kara's seed spilling inside of her.

But it never comes. Kara just works her clit; it feels amazing, but Maggie needs more. She needs to fill the lines back in.

Before Maggie can demand anything, Kara's teeth bite into her neck and she sucks hard. The pleasure is immediate and intense. It burns from some unknown place deep inside of Maggie's gut and races through her veins.

This feeling - Maggie craves the ruin of it. She comes fast and hard and loud. Kara's hand covers her mouth and her scream as her tongue gently licks the bitemark while Maggie shivers through the aftershocks.

"But I am," Kara whispers into Maggie's ear.

Then she's gone.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup! I'm still here. I make no promises regarding an updating schedule, but I am determined to get us to the end. This story is turning out to be longer than I anticipated when I was just looking for a reason for these two to have sex. With that in mind, please bear with these two as they put in the necessary work to get to their eventual happy ending.
> 
> Please note the updated tags. A chapter specific care warning can be found in the endnotes.

Kara's only sitting on the porch for ten minutes before Clark joins her. He hands over a steaming cup of coffee as he sits. Hers is mostly sugar and milk just like she likes it. They sip in silence and it's all just so... human.

"I messed up," she finally says.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not yet."

"Okay."

So they sit on the porch, sipping refilled cups of coffee until the sun comes up over the Kansas fields and Lois comes out with a warm smile and says breakfast is ready.

Kara follows Clark through the house and into the kitchen. The warmth of the short journey settles around Kara's shoulders. The pictures, the knick-knacks placed here and there, every item with its own memory — Kara has always loved this house and this life Clark has built that has the right pieces falling into the right places.

"I'm sorry for dropping in like this," Kara says to Lois, taking a seat at the table.

"You drop in whenever you want, Kara," Lois says.

"Are the kids not eating with us?"

"They're with Martha,” Clark offers.

Lois places giant plates of food in front of her and Clark. Eggs, bacon, sausage, pancakes, waffles, fruit. Clark devours his. Kara moves hers around on the plate.

Lois cuts into her own human-sized portion of pancakes while glancing at Kara. "That bad, huh?"

"I had sex with Maggie,” Kara blurts out. 

"Alex's Maggie?!" Clark shouts and Lois hits him on the arm.

Alex's Maggie. Kara would be a hypocrite to be mad at that being how they see her because that's what she is - Alex's Maggie. And that used to bother her because her own feelings for Alex have always been so complicated, but now... "I was infected with Red K a few months ago,” she says, moving the pancakes through the lake of syrup on her plate. “And I took my anger out on her." 

Lois puts her fork down. "What does that mean?"

"We had sex." Kara can’t look at Lois as she says it. "In a bar bathroom. Until it was burned out of my system."

There's a long pause before Clark asks, "Did Maggie consent?"

Kara's eyes shoot up, ready to defend herself, "I...," she pauses, "Yes." The shame of needing to be asked makes her want to shed her own skin.

"Would you have heard it or seen it or understood it, if she hadn't?" Clark asks, uncomfortably, but pushing through. Kara understands. If they won't hold each other accountable, who will?

"Yes," Kara says again.

"Did she know that?" Lois asks.

That question stops Kara cold. When the other option was Supergirl destroying the city, was no even a real option? Especially for someone like Maggie for whom protect and serve went deeper than a badge? 

Kara's never felt like this before. Like her thoughts alone might make her physically ill.

"Maggie would have never said no,” Kara says. “Even if she wanted to." Anger churns in the pit of her stomach — at herself and her weakness and her failure to be better.

"And that is her choice, Kara," Lois says, placing her hand on Kara's wrist. "But you need to talk to her about it."

"She doesn't want to talk to me!" Kara nearly shouts. "I tried to talk to her last night. But she just wanted..."

"Wanted what?" Clark asks.

Kara stands from the table and walks to the window. The sun is bright and the sky is blue, but Kara feels clouds closing in on her. "I gave her my bitemark,” she whispers. “That first time. And it hasn't healed." Kara closes her eyes briefly. "Because I keep biting her."

The silence in the room may as well be kryptonite.

"Kara,” Clark says her name in the worst way, filled with enough pity to drown in. "You deserve better than this. She deserves better than this.”

"It's fine." Kara tries to reassure her cousin or herself, she doesn't know. "I've been ignoring it."

“You’ve been ignoring it?”

Kara turns to face him, “Yes.”

Clark faces Lois and with unspoken words and a small nod, Lois squeezes his hand and leaves them alone in the kitchen.

“When Lois and I decided to enter _Zhaolrosh_ , the three days wait between the first bite and completing the ritual was… the hardest thing I’ve ever done,” Clark begins. “Every time Lois touched my mark, I felt like I would break the earth in half in order to get to her.” Clark takes an uncomfortable swallow before asking, “Is that how you feel when Maggie…?”

“It’s fine,” Kara says. “I’m fine. I have it under control.”

“Okay. What does control look like?”

“I don’t… you know.” It’s the best she can do. Kara would happily fly into space to leave this conversation behind and the pained, but determined look on Clark’s face tells her he’d follow her, so his next question shouldn’t shock her the way it does.

“Do you masturbate?”

“Clark!” Kara shouts. “I’m not… you can’t just! Rao!” 

Clark looks like he’d rather be on another planet, but he doesn’t look away. “Do you?”

“No! I would never! I know that’s against _Zhaolrosh_ for the one who initiates the bond. I know, okay! That’s why I go to her instead! This way she—“

“What?”

Kara didn’t think there was room for more shame, but now she’s filled to the brim with it as the words she stopped herself from saying tumble out, “Knows she’s mine.”

“You have to stop this, Kara.”

She doesn’t want to stop it, though. “I can do better. I’m going to do better. I told her I was sorry, and now I’ll—“

“What? Date?” Clark asks. “You can do that. Just allow your bitemark close first.”

Kara doesn’t know if she can. The idea of not being able to sink her teeth into Maggie's neck is excruciating. And Maggie needs her. They need each other. Kara just has to be better and —

“A mark left open is nothing more than an addiction."

Kara doesn’t want to hear this. She can’t hear this.

“ _Zhaolrosh_ must be completed or be allowed to close, but this? What you're doing right now? It's dangerous, Kara. For everyone."

“You have Lois. And I used to have Alex, but now she has Kelly. J’onn has M’gann,” Kara says. “I just wanted—“ She stops herself because she knows it’s selfish and neither Kara Danvers nor Kara Zor-El gets to be that.

"What happened at Jaxxon Industries?" Clark asks quietly.

And just like that, Kara has lost.

She hears Clark's chair scrape against the floor, his footsteps carry him across the room until they are standing face to face. "We don't get to not be good enough, Kara. Or strong enough, or fast enough, or smart enough. That's the burden we chose. If you want to share that with Maggie, then tell her about _Zhaolrosh_ , and complete the ritual. I promise you will be stronger for it.” 

Clarke grasps both of Kara’s hands and squeezes them hard enough for her to feel, grounding her for what he says next. “But what you're doing now,” he continues, “it only serves to weaken you both. And that can be your choice, and hers. But it's not fair to ask people to trust you with their lives when you're not going to be who you said you were."

Kara thought she was doing okay. 

She thought she could manage Maggie, and Kara, and Supergirl, and everyone could get some of what they needed. 

But Kara forgot for a little while. The feel of Maggie’s skin beneath her teeth, the taste of Maggie on her tongue, it made Kara lose sight of what she’s known since she was forced to leave a dying planet. and decided to adopt a new one she’d die for before watching it succumb to the same fate: Kara doesn’t get to want. 

Remembering it now feels like sediment settling around her heart. 

“You’re right,” Kara says. The words are unnecessary. She knows now, this is why she came here, so that Clark could remind her of what she already knew. “Tell Lois I’m sorry.”

“Kara, you don’t—“

Kara flies off before Clark can finish the rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Care Warning: discussion of consent, mentions of addiction.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, kudos-ing, and commenting. The comments, in particular, help fuel this story.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note the updated tags. Chapter specific care warning in the endnotes.

She canceled breakfast with Daniella. Maggie didn’t have it in her to withstand the interrogation. Instead, she went to work early in an attempt at making a dent in the stacks of paperwork that continuously manifested on her desk. 

It’s not like she had actual friends at work who would normally stop by to chat, but today everyone gave her an extra-wide berth. She didn’t even have to deal with the corny jokes she’d endured since Supergirl flew off with her from a crime scene. 

Maggie didn’t want to talk. She didn’t want to think. She just wanted to cross her i’s, dot her t’s, and catch bad guys. It’s what she’s good at and that’s okay. She needed the reminder, which is exactly what last night was. 

Kara was sorry. And then Kara left. It’s how it always goes. Maggie thought she was maintaining her end of whatever devil’s bargain she and Kara had found themselves in. She can’t pinpoint where she went wrong. That will come over the next weeks and months as she dissects the time she’s spent with Kara. She’s exceptional at this part; it’s why she’s such a good detective. She’ll start from the moment at Al’s and—

"Hey.”

Maggie’s head shoots up so fast it actually hurts.

"Can I show you something?” Kara asks quietly. “No. I need to show you something,” she says more firmly. 

Maggie wants to say no. She needs to, no matter how Kara’s presence makes the bitemark throb so suddenly Maggie is clenching in her chair. She only touched it once this morning and once on her break and she promised herself she’d make it through the rest of the day without succumbing. A necessary step is saying no to Kara right now. Her tongue presses to the roof of her mouth in preparation for the word, but she stops when she notices something peculiar. 

This isn’t Kara Danvers standing in front of her. It’s Kara Zor-El. Objectively, the differences are subtle, but to Maggie they are bright, flashing lights. Kara’s glasses are in her hand, and her hair is down, but it’s her posture that speaks loudest.

This is trust, and it’s armor. The conflict between the two existing in the same space tells Maggie she won’t like whatever comes next.

"Please?” Kara asks, the firmness wavering in Maggie’s silence.

Maggie is many things, but she’s not built to say no to the need in Kara’s voice. She closes the file she was working on, grabs her jacket, and follows Kara outside. 

Before anyone can see them, Kara has them in the air and on their way. This is still fairly new for them — flying together. Maggie should be freezing, but Kara’s body covers her in warmth. The wind stings her eyes, though, so she closes them and buries her face into Kara’s neck. 

Faster than Maggie expected, they land in what can only be the Fortress of Solitude. It’s disorienting and Maggie wants to know why she’s not cold inside a structure made of ice, where they are geographically, and a host of other things, but Kara moves away from her too quickly for questions, leaving Maggie to follow.

When they reach a console, Kara stops and turns around to face Maggie’s slow approach. “I shouldn’t have left last night. I just needed to…” Kara trails off, swallowing her words.

“To what?” 

Kara takes a deep, deliberate breath. “I just can’t think clearly when I’m around you, sometimes. All the time,” she amends. “I just needed to gain perspective.” She says it like she’s been practicing all day.

"And did you?” 

"I’m sorry,” Kara says. Her voice is so soft and sincere. It burns at Maggie’s skin.

"Can you stop saying that? Please?” Maggie asks. It sounds desperate to her own ears, but Kara’s apologies rip at Maggie’s seams.

“But I am—“

"Sorry, yes, I get it. You didn’t have to bring me all the way here to tell me that. Again. Take me home, Kara. Now.” Maggie starts walking back the way they came. She doesn’t want to do this. She knew that and she did it anyway and she’s so tired of failing to learn this particular lesson.

"I’m sorry that I didn’t give you an option. At Al’s.” Kara continues.

"What?!” Maggie’s head spins trying to keep up. She turns back around to face Kara.

"I was a danger to everyone and you wouldn’t have said no to… to what I did to you even if you wanted to because you’re a hero, Maggie, and I’m sorry that I put you in that position.”

"I didn’t want to—.”

"But even if you did you—“

"Kara! I didn’t want to say no!” Maggie’s scream bounces off the ice. She’s breathing heavy and she’s so angry at so many things she breathless for it.

“Why not?” Kara shouts into the ringing silence.

Maggie stares at Kara for a long time. Kara doesn’t waver. Doesn’t look away or fidget or shuffle her feet. She stands there, eyes open, waiting. 

The silence stretches for too long. Long enough for the anger to pool low in Maggie’s stomach and catch fire. Her neck throbs, her clit throbs, and Maggie doesn’t even know how she arrived at this desperate point so quickly. It feels like a fight she’s always going to lose and Maggie is just… exhausted. She’s tired of fighting. With herself. With Kara. With this journey to destruction they’ve been on. She just wants to open her hands and let the chips fall.

“Because I like the way you treat me,” Maggie says quietly. She walks closer until Kara’s body stops her progress. “And you like the way you treat me.” 

"You deserve better than what I’ve given you, Maggie.” They’re so close Maggie feels the whisper of Kara’s words against her cheeks.

“That’s not for you to decide,” Maggie says, then turns around and pulls her hair over her shoulder. There’s only a heartbeat of space separating their bodies, Kara’s heat the only thing against Maggie’s back. Maggie waits and waits until finally, Kara’s fingers graze her neck. The bandage is removed slowly and Maggie feels the pull against her skin with a deep pulse of her clit. The bandage is replaced by Kara’s breath.

"My name is Kara Zor-El and I seek information on _Zhaolrosh_ ,” Kara says shakily.

“ _Zhaolrosh_ is an ancient Kryptonian bonding ritual which allows the souls of bonded partners to find each other through time,” says a computerized voice. “It is initiated through the application of a bite to the back of a promised mate’s neck. After three days of separation, the partners enter _Mishidh_ to complete the bond, and the corresponding bitemark is given to the other partner. The bond may not be broken, even in death. After the creation of the Genesis Chamber, the Kryptonian Law Council decreed _Zhaolrosh_ , along with reproduction through sexual intercourse, illegal.”

Maggie turns around. 

_Zhaolrosh_? 

_Bondmates_? 

_Even in death_? 

"What is this?” Maggie asks. But she knows. Not the details, but Maggie knows. From the moment she couldn’t help but rub Kara’s bitemark and cum on her own fingers on her living room floor. She knew when she tried to look it up and found nothing. She knew when Kara said she could feel it when Maggie touched herself. She knew every single time the mark called to her so deeply it felt the like the pull came from a place she hadn’t known existed. 

Maggie knew and said nothing. She knew and chose to cum over and over again with her own fingers grazing the mark or Kara’s teeth digging into her neck.

“I shouldn’t have bitten you. I just… in the moment, I need to… needed to,” Kara says. “But I’m better now and I can fix this, Maggie. I promise I’m going to fix this. I have to.”

"You’re better now?”

"Yes,” Kara says. 

Maggie closes her eyes and grabs her stomach. She’s going to be sick. “So all of this has been… like an illness?

"Yes. No. Not exactly. It’s _Zhaolrosh_. It wants us to complete the bond, it’s basically been pushing us together, and Clark says—“

“Clark?” Maggie opens her eyes, incredulous.

Kara nods, “Clark says we have to complete the bond or close it. And there are consequences to keeping it open like we’ve been doing, so, obviously, we have to close it.” Kara’s talking like she’s in a rush to get it all out and Maggie wishes she weren’t keeping up. She wishes she were back at the station. Or had gone to brunch with Daniella. Or any number of things that didn’t amount to the fact that the past few months have been—

"Wait. Consequences?”

Kara looks caught. Like she’d hoped to quickly move beyond this part and doesn’t know what to say now that she can’t. “What’s important is that I have a plan, and we can—“

"Kara.” Maggie’s voice is cracked steel. “What happens if we keep it open?”

Kara assumes her Supergirl pose and with it, deep fear roils Maggie’s stomach.

"What are the consequences of an incomplete _Zhaolrosh_ bond?” Kara asks the computer.

"The side effects of an incomplete bond include a deterioration of mental and physical capacity as _Zhaolrosh_ diverts all of the body’s resources toward the goal of bond completion. These effects may be temporarily mitigated by sexual intercourse.”

“How do I close _Zhaolrosh_?” Kara continues.

"A forced distance must be instituted between the potential bondmates to allow the mark of _Zhaolrosh_ time to heal. The time required for healing is commensurate with the length of time the bond has been left open. The historical record shows a ninety-nine percent success rate when the distance is maintained and medical attention is provided to counteract the impact of withdrawing from _Zhaolrosh_. However, only fourteen point three percent of bondmates are successful at maintaining distance once _Zhaolrosh_ has been initiated.”

It’s too much. The words. The anger. The constant throb that refuses to abate even as bile rises to the back of Maggie’s throat. It’s all too much. Maggie can’t look at Kara. She doesn’t even want to look at herself. She just wants to go back to Al’s and make different choices.

But do-overs aren’t real. A lifetime of not getting them has taught Maggie that. Her lip trembles. She wants to vomit, but she won’t. She wants to cry, but she won’t. 

The tears get swallowed with everything else as Maggie finally looks up. “So what do we do?”

"We call Alex.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Care Warning: discussion about consent, mention of addiction.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading, kudos-ing, and commenting. The comments, in particular, help fuel this story.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the first time in my life, I've actually plotted a story out to its completion. I use the term plotted very loosely, but I'm still kinda excited about it. Thanks to everyone who continues to read and hit that kudos button. And especially to those who take the time to leave comments. It means a lot and keeps me writing.

Maggie insisted they pull the bandaid off immediately so they’re in front of Alex's door. They've knocked, they're waiting, and Kara's never been so afraid in her entire life.

"Hi, Ka— …Maggie?" Alex says, shocked.

"Hey, Danvers."

Kara's throat closes on her. It's the way Maggie says those words, full of warmth and a comfort that's buried just beneath the surface like those syllables don't know how to come out any other way.

Kara hates it. Deeply, shockingly, and suddenly. She wants to grab Maggie and leave. Maybe they don’t need Alex and she can figure out another way. Maybe she should reach for Maggie’s hand and—

"Can we come inside?" Maggie asks.

"Sure. Yes. Come in." Alex says.

And so they’re inside. Just Kara and Alex and Alex's ex—

"Hello."

And Alex's Kelly.

Kara wants to sink through the floor.

"Hi,” Maggie says, extending her hand. "Maggie.”

As they shake hands and Kelly introduces herself, Alex looks at Kara with eyes sharp enough to cut.

"What's going on?" Alex asks.

They're all still standing just inside the doorway, so Kara walks to the living room, leaving the others to follow. For a brief moment, she seriously considers flying out the window. Bravery was so much easier when Alex wasn’t right in front of her.

"What's going on?" Alex asks again.

"You should probably sit down," Kara says.

"Kara,” Alex says, and Kara knows that tone, worries for DEO agents when they’re on the receiving end of it. “What is going on?”

Kara clears her throat. "I had sex with Maggie." There. Bandaid gone.

The silence that follows is its own destruction. Kara rushes to rebuild in its aftermath. "I was infected with Red Kryptonite and I saw her at Al's and she kept me there so I wouldn't hurt anyone."

Alex looks between them, "She kept you there?”

Kara nods.

“By having sex with you?” Alex continues.

Kara nods again.

Kara imagines the calculations running through Alex’s mind. Remembers the days spent asking Kara what was wrong, begging Kara to talk to her. Pinpoints the exact moment Alex puts it all together.

“Why are you telling me this now?” Alex asks, looking at Maggie, then Kara, then back again. Alex likes to hold onto things until they have nowhere to go but out. Kara sees her try to swallow it all down, but it can’t stay there. It won’t. Kara doesn’t deserve that mercy. “What do you want me to say, exactly? Thank you for your service?" She drags her hands over her face. "What the fuck Kara?!”

Kara can count on one hand the times she's heard Alex curse and none of them have ever been at her.

"So what? Are you two in a relationship now? And you're finally deciding to tell me?" She turns to Maggie. "Kids were a deal-breaker, but not my sister?"

Maggie flinches and it tugs at the pit of Kara’s stomach. This is her fault, not Maggie’s. “Don’t talk to her like that, Alex.” She says it quietly, but she says it, the words excavating a new level of betrayal for them to all sink into.

“Leave. Both of you. I need you to leave." Alex is halfway to the door by the time she finishes speaking.

"We need your help,” Maggie says.

Alex turns around quickly. “What?! You need my help?!” She walks back toward them and only stops when Kelly grabs her hand. “With wedding planning? Is that it?" Alex laughs and it sounds like a scar.

"I accidentally started _Zhaolrush_. We need your help to break the incomplete bond."

It’s the blow that finally forces Alex to sit down, pulling Kelly with her.

"What is _Zhaolrush_?" Kelly asks.

"A Kryptonian mating bond," Alex says, voice cracking.

"I didn't mean to do it. It just happened."

"How many times? How many times did it just happen?”

“I don’t… I’m not sure,” Kara says.

“Please leave,” Alex says, and this time the anger is gone, leaving ashes in its wake. “I can’t do this right now.”

Alex looks like she’s going to cry and Kara knows if she does while she and Maggie are still here, there might be no coming back for any of them.

Kara nods, “Okay.” The walk to the door is a lifetime, but Maggie doesn’t follow her. Instead, Maggie sits on the coffee table in front of Alex and Kelly.

"Look, Danvers. I fucked up. And I’m sorry. For so many things,” Maggie says softly. “But I can’t wait for you to wrap your mind around all the ways I fucked up. This _Zhaolrosh_ … it’s,” Maggie closes her eyes for a moment, “all-consuming,” she says, eyes opening. “And I don’t know how much of me is going to be left if we wait.”

Kara’s broken a lot of things in her life, mostly in her youth when she was still learning her strength. Looking at Maggie now, Kara finally sees what she missed at the Fortress. What her rush to explain and fix trampled over. What the past couple of months have burned away under a need like Kara’s never experienced before — Maggie is just a jumble of already cracked pieces too, and Kara is left to wonder how many new cracks belong to her.

Maggie and Alex stare at each other for longer than is comfortable. The silence is cement solidifying around their shoulders.

“What do you know about closing the bond?” Alex finally asks like the words shredded her throat on their way out.

"We have to be kept apart for two months. That’s how long it will take the mark to heal,” Kara offers.

"Why two months?”

"The amount of time to heal is the same as the amount of time it’s been left open.”

Alex bears that confirmation in silence.

"I’m going to make everyone some tea,” Kelly says. She squeezes Alex’s hand then heads to the kitchen.

"Only fourteen point three percent of those who attempt to close the bond is successful at maintaining separation,” Kara says. She makes her way to the other side of the living room, as far away from Alex as the small space will allow. “So she’ll need to be kept in a secure location that I don’t know about and preferably can’t get into. I’ll be somewhere else and I’ll ask Clark to help keep me there, but I’m concerned about the effects withdrawing from the bond will have on a human.”

"No,” Maggie says, standing up. “You’re not going to talk about me like I’m not here, or like I’m a subject in a science experiment.”

“I’m sorry,” Kara says quickly, palms up. “You’re right.” She takes a deep breath, hands falling helplessly back to her sides. “I’m sorry,” she says again, softly.

“Don't be sorry, be better. That’s your whole thing now, right?”

"Tea?” Kelly asks, walking back into the living room. She doesn’t wait for a response, just starts filling mugs and handing them out. “Can everyone have a seat, please,” she asks as she sits next to Alex on the couch.

Kara and Maggie sit in the chairs on the opposite ends of the coffee table.

"So,” Kelly starts. “This is messy.”

And unbelievably, Alex laughs, but not like before. It’s a little dry, and kind of crumbling, but it’s genuine. “Yeah, babe. You could call it that.” She takes Kelly’s hand, brings it to her lips, and places a gentle kiss on her fingers. It’s sweet, effortless, and the comfort that small action provides them both radiates into the room.

Kara looks away. She can’t look at Maggie; she doesn’t want to know what story her face is telling. Instead, she takes a sip of tea and swallows around the lump in her throat because that? What Alex and Kelly have? She wants it so desperately. But maybe surviving a dying planet, getting adopted by a good family, and getting to save the world is enough. Maybe Kara wants too much.

“But we can get through messy,” Kelly continues. “We will get through it,” she clarifies. “Because everyone in this room loves or has loved at least one other person in this room. So we are going to hold on to that. Okay?” Kelly looks at each of them, one by one, and one by one, they each nod in response. “Okay.”

So they formulate a plan. And as they talk about finding a location for Maggie, side effects of withdrawal, possible treatments, and alternate plans in case Plan A falls apart, it’s as if _Zhaolrosh_ knows what they are doing and it wants to sink them before they start.

Kara braves a look at Maggie. She’s listening intently as Alex explains a possible drug protocol that could help mitigate withdrawal symptoms. Her hands grasp the arms of her chair so hard, Kara sees the paleness in her knuckles. She hears how fast Maggie’s heart beats and how quickly her blood rushes through her veins. A bead of sweat clings to Maggie’s temple as she fights for control, but Kara can smell that it’s a losing battle. It always is. They both know that.

It’s no surprise when Maggie says, “I’m just going to run to the bathroom.” She gets up quickly and leaves the room while Alex is mid-word.

Kara watches her go. She wants to follow but knows she can’t. She wants to make her feel better but knows better is a landmine.

“You owe me a new chair,” she hears from a distance.

"What?” Kara looks over to Alex.

"You owe me a new chair,” Alex says again.

Kara looks down. The arms of her chair have broken off in her hands. She’s sorry. Which is all she’s been lately. “I’m going to go check on Maggie,” she says instead of another apology. She stands, and Alex stands with her, stands in front of her.

"No,” Alex says. “You’re going to leave.”

Everything is tense. Her body feels like it’s going to crack open. “I just want to make sure she’s okay.”

"She’s not okay. And neither are you. That’s why you’re here. And that’s why you’re going to leave.”

Kara is unconvinced. She takes a step toward the bathroom. Alex grabs her arm.

"If you can’t be strong enough now, you won’t be strong enough a week from now, or a month from now. If that’s the case, then you should just complete the bond now so we can all move on.”

The words hurt. The truth of them slices into Kara at complicated angles.

"I don’t know if I can do this, Alex,” Kara says. For a moment, they’re teenagers again, and Kara just needs Alex to tell her what to do, tell her how to keep everyone safe, show her how to be a hero. “I don’t… I don’t want to hurt her.”

"I know that, Kara. _Zhaolrosh_ is running roughshod over your bodies right now, but I know you, and I know her. Whatever has been happening since that night,” Alex pauses, her next words a mixture of pain and determination, “it’s not just _Zhaolrosh_. I refuse to believe that and it’s why you’re not going to fail.”

It’s more grace than Kara deserves, but she takes it.

She tucks it deep into her heart and rushes through the window before she can destroy what’s left of them all.

She flies as high as she can until she’s too many layers of crisp atmosphere away for Maggie’s smell to cling to her.

Then she leaves National City, knowing it will take fighting every molecule in her body not to return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! How are we feeling?


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note the tags have been updated.

The drive is incredibly long. They leave National City before the sun comes up. Alex and Kelly in the front seats, Maggie in the back, silently staring out the window as the scenery changes from tall palms to dense mountainous forest. It's been two days of nonstop tests, blood work, and trying, but mostly failing not to touch the bitemark. It's a series of embarrassments Maggie's not sure she'll ever recover from.

Before leaving, she told Daniella she was going away for a bit. Not the details, but no lies either.

_It'll just be a couple months. I'll be back. That's all can say._

Daniella had searched Maggie's face then. Scraped every inch of it for a clue to hang her next words on. She's not a quiet person by nature, but somehow she's always known how to love Maggie quietly when needed. In the end, she kissed Maggie's forehead, slid Maggie's hair behind her ears, and said, _Let me make you some food to take with you._

There's a box of homemade meals in the trunk, right next to a box of the drug protocol Alex created to ease Maggie through whatever symptoms may arise during her withdrawal from _Zhaolrosh_. Maggie doesn't want to need the drugs. She’s determined to take them only if absolutely necessary and made Alex promise to let it be Maggie's decision, no matter how bad it gets. Alex agreed. Reluctantly.

They haven't said much to each other beyond words like _hormone levels_ and _chemical reactions_ , but no one has slept much in the past two days. Alex has worked tirelessly to orchestrate a plan. She even called in an enormous favor and asked Lucy Lane to step in as DEO Director for the next two months. She still won't look Maggie in the eyes, though.

It's been easier with Kelly who is kind and calm and the fulcrum upon which all their communication turns. Maggie had two days to observe them and it's easy to see why Alex loves her. Easy to see the comfort given in a hand at the small of a back, or a light kiss to a shoulder. Easy to see how the future is going to play out for them with Alex getting all the things Maggie couldn't give her.

By the time they arrive at their destination, nightfall is heavy. They're in the middle of the woods, at the end of a long, gnarled road. The house is more ramshackle cabin than anything else.

"Do we even have electricity?" Maggie asks, climbing out of the SUV.

"Yes," Alex says, and that's the only word spoken as they unload the vehicle.

Inside, the cabin manages to be cozy and spacious at the same time. The big picture windows blur the line between indoors and nature.

As soon as they bring all the bags in, Maggie excuses herself to the bathroom.

They know what she's doing. They don't talk about it when she returns.

"Follow me," Alex says.

They walk to the back of the cabin. Before they reach the door, Alex stops and opens a small panel on the wall. A retinal scanner confirms her identity, then a section of the wood floor paneling begins to lift. It only comes up a couple of inches before Alex pulls it open fully, revealing a set of stairs.

The lower level of the cabin is a luxury bunker made to last centuries. There's a kitchen stocked with nonperishables, but also fresh produce and meats, which means someone prepared this space just for them. There's a gym, lap pool, library, four-car garage, game room, a med bay and lab, enough bedrooms for a large family, and the entire structure is apparently coated in a specially designed lead alloy.

The tour stops in front of Maggie's bedroom, but before they go in Maggie asks, "Who's bunker is this?"

"Lena's," Alex says.

The little history Maggie has with Lena involves an arrest, which most people wouldn't get over so easily. "Why would she help me?"

“Because I asked."

There's something about the way Alex says it that makes Maggie want to dig a little deeper, but she refrains. She opens the door instead and walks into what is to be her bedroom for the next two months. For being underground and lacking any natural light, it's minimalist but beautiful and luxurious like the rest of the bunker.

For all its beauty, the thing Maggie can't take her eyes off of is the restraints attached to the bed.

They aren't a surprise. She and Alex spoke about it, agreed to it, decided to only use them if necessary, but still…Maggie can't stop looking at them.

"A last resort," Kelly says.

It's a kind and generous show of support for strength Maggie’s not sure she has.

* * *

Clark gently locks a red sun cuff onto each of Kara's wrists like her strength is already gone. It's always an odd feeling when she first puts them on. Kara wonders if this emptiness is what humans feel like all the time or if it's just what she feels like when her powers aren’t available as a distraction.

They're in New York City. They could have gone anywhere in the world, but nowhere would have been far enough away, so they settled for anonymity.

Kara refuses to let Clark pay for anything. She's dipped heavily into her savings to afford a two-month stay in one of the world's most expensive cities.

"Breakfast?" Clark asks.

Kara nods and they make their way to the kitchen table, which holds four pizzas. Two pies for each of them. They eat in silence. Kara’s always been a huge fan of pizza for breakfast, but she mostly just stares at the slice on her plate.

It's only day three and she knows they got the cuffs on just in time. She knows day three is usually when she faltered. When she'd forget about maintaining distance, go find Maggie and push her up against the nearest wall, then slide—

Kara stands so abruptly, her chair falls to the floor. Clark stands too, slow and steady, a solid block between her and the door.

It feels like fire in her veins. Usually being with Maggie, being inside of Maggie... makes Kara feel warm, but being away from her would make her feel hot. So hot the only way to soothe the fire to a simmer was being with Maggie again and again and again.

The flame engulfing Kara now could power the earth for millennia or scorch it until it's barren of everything good and beautiful and alive.

_Maggie is hers._

Kara has done so many things wrong, but she can fix this. She can find Maggie. She doesn't know where she is, but she thinks _Zhaolrosh_ will lead her to where she needs to be. It's like there's a string attached to the pit of her gut tugging and tugging, begging her to move. To search. To find. To take.

_Maggie needs her._

Kara knows this as surely as she knows anything on this planet. She knows Maggie has been touching her mark. Not as often as before, but at least once or twice a day.

Kara woke up that morning painfully hard and grinding into her bed. Maggie touching her bitemark was usually like a sacred caress, but this was more like a desperate wail. It raged through Kara as her hips pumped frantically into the bed. She was so close. Just a little bit more—

It wasn't until she was on the floor panting that she realized Clark had entered the room, yanked her from the bed, and thrown her to the ground.

She was still hard. And Clark was looking just to the right of her, unable to meet her eyes.

"Get the cuffs."

And he had and now they are eating breakfast and Kara needs to go.

She needs to go to Maggie and make her feel better, make her feel whole. She's been so careless with her. But she can do better. She will be better. She just has to take one step and then another, and another.

_Maggie is hers._

And Kara just wants to be Maggie's. She will find her, and they will complete the bond. Maggie's teeth will sink into Kara's neck and they'll be bonded. Then things will make sense again, or maybe make sense for the first time.

It's not until a splash hits her hand that Kara realizes the sun has gone down, and their breakfast has been cold for hours. Even with her powers muted, she's gripping the table so hard it’s cracked all the way through. And she's sweating. Enough for it to fall from her forehead and splash onto the back of her hand. Kara's never sweated before. She didn't know she could.

As the bead of moisture rolls its haphazard trail to her wrist, and Clark still stands, a sentry to her pain, Kara’s tears finally come.

* * *

Maggie's tears won't stop. She's been crying for nearly three weeks and she thinks she'll be crying for the rest of her life.

They came to an agreement after Maggie's first few days of failure. Either Kelly or Alex will be with Maggie at all times while she's awake and she'll use the restraints at night while they sleep.

But Maggie doesn't sleep. All she sees when she does is a life with Kara she can't have. It's a cruel twist of _Zhaolrosh_. They'd planned for the possibility of hallucinations. They'd planned for nearly everything. But not beautiful dreams that feel like nightmares because they are so far from Maggie's grasp.

She hasn't mentioned them to Alex, doesn't know what Alex could do with the information other than feeling the pain of it.

Alex was the one to secure the restraints the first time, and Maggie may never know what to do with the pain of that.

_Is this too tight?_

_No._

She expected Alex to leave her in her borrowed bedroom, surrounded by the dark and waiting for morning.

Instead, she sat in the chair tucked into the corner, and Maggie took a deep and shaky breath that ended in a stifled sob.

_I'm sorry this is happening to you._

The tight ball clinging to the walls of Maggie's chest fell apart then, and Maggie hasn't stopped crying since.

They've fallen into a routine.

Alex only stayed the first night the restraints were used. Now she knocks gently in the morning and waits for Maggie's permission to enter, then she comes in, unlocks the restraints, checks her vitals, and inspects the bitemark.

Maggie goes for a swim right after. She keeps the pool colder than what would normally be comfortable, but it's the only thing that seems to keep her body from overheating. After her morning swim, they usually have a silent breakfast together. It’s followed by Maggie curling into herself on the couch while Kelly flips through the channels until she finds something harmless to watch.

Then there’s the afternoon swim before lunch, followed by Kelly reading a new book while Alex does whatever she does in the lab as Maggie wipes away the tears until dinner. A post-dinner swim, then bed and restraints.

Rinse and repeat, this is Maggie’s new life

It's Kelly who insisted they share meals. That two months of isolation from the world and each other would be counterintuitive to healing. Maggie is never hungry, but she tries to eat and is sometimes successful because she knows her body needs the fuel, and she can't sustain the weight of Alex's gaze following the trail of Maggie's food as it’s pushed around on the plate.

On the most difficult days, when the call of Kara's mark rages though her body so viscously her fingertips are grazing her waistband before she’s aware her hand has even moved, she jumps up from the couch, runs to the pool, and swims to near exhaustion. When she climbs out and drys off, Alex is there. She follows Maggie to her room and stands just outside the door until Maggie is settled in bed.

"Please," Maggie says.

Silently, Alex secures the restraints, then she sits in her chair, and they wait until Maggie can be again.

* * *

Kara keeps waiting to feel different. Like she'll wake up, _Zhaolrosh_ will have released her, and Maggie will be a thing that happened instead of the only thing she can think about.

She sleeps a lot now.

The dreams started a week ago and they haunt Kara when she wakes up.

The dreams are moments of a life not lived. She gets to wake up with Maggie every morning, soft and with sunshine easing through their bedroom window.

There are game nights with potstickers and pizza and hot wings in their living room where Maggie still puts too many wings on her plate and Kara still finishes them for her.

Birthdays and BBQs in their backyard which Alex and Kelly and all their friends decide is party HQ.

Kara and Clark attempting to build a deck while Maggie and Lois drink beer and schedule an actual carpenter to come and finish the job.

Alex and Kelly adopting two kids and Kara and Maggie taking their jobs as aunts as seriously as they do saving the world.

It's a life Kara aches for so she sleeps her days away, trying to get every drop out of it while she can.

When she wakes up fully, another week has gone by, and she's on the roof, red sun cuffs gone, yellow sun bringing her back to herself, back to the world she has.

She's numb. There's no heat, no pull in her gut begging her to find Maggie, no sense, even, that something is missing. The loss feels like the absence of everything, a savage relief.

"Do you need the cuffs?" Clark asks.

"No."

There's a month left, and Kara wants to feel just like this until it's over. She's tired in a way she's never been before, a bone-deep exhaustion that settles like it might never leave.

Kara finds her way back to her bedroom. She slides into the bed and closes her eyes, but rest doesn't come.

* * *

"Come on, Maggie. Please let me help you.” Alex is begging her. Has been begging her for two days.

The swimming stopped helping. No matter how many laps, no matter how cold she made the water, her body wouldn't cool down.

She's in bed drenched in sweat. Every single part of her aches. Her head pounds and her eyes struggle to stay open or focus when they do.

Alex places a cold cloth against Maggie's forehead. It doesn't help. Nothing does and nothing will, except Kara. But Maggie can't have her — it's all been a lie of biology and false hope that she could ever be enough. The truth of Maggie's life has been very clear since the age of fourteen. She's not. She's never going to be. The list of people who said they'd love her forever then changed their minds is too long to be denied.

"Maggie, you don't have to fight by yourself."

Alex's words come through a haze, but she hears them. "Who's going to fight with me?" Maggie rasps. "You?" It's not fair. Or maybe it is. She doesn't know anymore. "Just go away."

"I'm not going anywhere.”

"Please, Alex. Just go." Maggie turns away, but Kelly is on the other side. "Please," she begs Kelly. “Just leave.”

They don't leave. They each take one of Maggie's hands, and they stay until Maggie cries herself to sleep, until the sun comes up, until the fever breaks.

* * *

The sun is too bright. It's not something Kara ever thought possible but she hasn't slept in days and Clark managed to find a bottle of Tamaranian whiskey that she can add to her regrets.

Kara never thought she'd be a sad drunk. She hasn't done much of anything except stare out the window and send ill-advised texts—

Kara jumps out of bed and searches for her phone. She finds it on the floor, screen cracked, but still able to show her latest mistake.

_Is it even possible to have it all?_

That's the text she sent Cat Grant at three in the morning.

_Is this your version of a drunk dial?_

That's Cat's response at five am. Then nothing. No follow-up phone calls, no emails, nothing. Kara considers herself lucky. The next time she sees Cat, they can act like this never happened.

The smell of bacon is what finally lures her out of her bedroom. Her appetite has been intermittent at best, but bacon is bacon, so Kara heads to the kitchen.

And of course, Cat is sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee with Clark like it's just a regular morning.

Kara doesn't need to ask how Cat found her. She and Clark are surprisingly good friends. She’s almost certain Cat started the friendship just to annoy Lois.

"Well," Cat says. "You've seen better days."

"You didn't have to come here,” Kara says.

"Of course I didn't. You're welcome."

"I'm going to go for a walk," Clark says and before Kara can say otherwise he's gone.

She doesn't know what to say to Cat other than, "I wish I hadn't sent that text."

"Mmmm," Cat looks disparagingly at the rental they're in, "and yet here we are." She taps a perfectly manicured nail against the table, indicating the seat across from her. "Sit."

Kara really doesn't want to, but there's a giant plate of bacon sitting in the middle of the table, so she does.

Cat lets her eat a few pieces before saying, "Tell me."

And so Kara does. She tells her everything from the first night at Al’s until the errant decision to finish a bottle of alien whiskey.

Cat waits for more like Kara is supposed to end the story with a grand epiphany. When nothing is forthcoming she sighs, already bored, and says, “I can't believe we have to have this conversation again.”

"What conversation?”

"You're still afraid. Except now it's not Kara Danvers you don't want to say goodbye to. It's Kara Zor-El. Last Daughter of Krypton. Weight of the world on her shoulders. Too busy saving the planet to live in it. Blah, blah, blah.” Cat takes another sip of her coffee, “God, you hero types are so predictable. Everyone gets to be happy except me,” she says in an affectation of a whine. “Meanwhile you see the thing that will make you happy, but you refuse to dive in and get it because who are you without all the angst dragging your cape down?”

"I can’t—“

"Can't what?” Cat interrupts. “Ask Maggie out on a date and spend time with her to see if there's anything worth exploring without a ridiculous ancient mating bond controlling you? Because what if she says yes, and there is something there, and then you have to be happy? Is that what you can’t do?”

Kara is speechless, her mouth opening and closing like a fish gasping for air.

"Honestly, Kara. I thought I taught you better than this." Cat stands up and grabs a piece of bacon. She takes a dainty bite. “Nonetheless, please don't invite me to your wedding. I'm sure it will be precious and saccharine and that's terrible for my skin. Give Lois my love.”

And just like that, with a wink and another piece of bacon in hand, Cat Grant is gone as quickly as she arrived, and Kara is still searching for words.

* * *

Maggie is searching the skyline, for what she doesn't know. The bitemark closed days ago, and she's been spending as much time as possible outside after two months stuck underground. She starts her mornings with a long walk, just breathing in the scent of earth and life, then settles in on the cabin’s porch until lunchtime. Sometimes Alex or Kelly walks with her, always in silence like disrupting the sounds of nature would be sacrilegious. Sometimes she walks alone, and one of them brings her the breakfast she didn't eat before she left.

It's beautiful here. Calm, quiet, and soothing in a way National City could never be.

It's their last day and Maggie never wants to see this place again.

"Hey," Alex says, as she makes her way from inside and sits in the chair next to Maggie's.

Maggie nods, reluctant to disrupt the stillness.

They stay like that for a while, quiet as the sun rises higher above the trees and different birds start all new songs.

"Why didn't you call me?" Alex asks.

It would be so easy for Maggie to respond with confusion. To act like she doesn't understand the question or like she hasn’t asked herself the same every night since Al’s. They're too deep into whatever this new version of them is trying to be for that now, though.

Maggie takes her time with her answer. Lets it roll around in her heart and mind before allowing it to slide from her mouth. "I wanted to be good enough for her, even if I couldn't be good enough for you."

It’s her truth. It sits there between them, bathed in fresh air and the lingering parts of the love they still share.

"I'm sorry," Alex says after a while.

Maggie knows how this goes. When she's really lucky, the other person apologizes on behalf of Maggie's failure instead of laying them all at her feet as they walk away.

"You told me once you hated not being heard," Alex says. "And I don't think I ever truly heard you. And because of that, maybe I never really saw you either. I think I mostly saw who I was with you and I really liked that new version of me." Alex pauses, takes a breath, “I really like this new version of me,” she corrects. “But maybe I was so caught up in that, I didn't see all of you…I don't think I knew that until right now."

Maggie is exhausted from the tears she's cried over the past two months. She tries to swallow the knot in her throat, willing her eyes to stay dry. She can’t look at Alex. She’ll fall apart if she does and she doesn’t know if she’s strong enough to put herself back together again.

"You were good enough, Maggie. We didn't want the same things in the end, and that's okay, but doesn't mean you weren't good enough."

Alex stands and walks to the door. "Thank you," she says. "You saved my sister from herself, and you saved the city from my sister. So, thank you. I’m sorry I didn’t say it before.” Alex walks inside, closing the door softly behind her.

Maggie takes a shuddering, cleansing breath, and allows the last of her tears fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo...how are we feeling? I'd love to know your thoughts on this chapter. We'll be back to the regular POV switching after this. As always, thanks for reading.


End file.
